Right now, I'm happy.
I just created a name to write with that I really like. It has depth and meaning behind the letters. I took all the letters of my real first, middle and last name, googled a site that tells you every possible word made from those letters (used only once each) and voila! As I'm scrolling through the 1500 or so words, some of them shock me. ABORT was one of the first to pop out at me. ANNOY, ANTSY, ARISE, and ARMREST. Okay, so that one made me laugh. I become aware that all the words I was noticing were words that had some immediate meaning for me. Words that I had experienced, heard directed at me, or had the voice in my head say about myself. Most just seemed to flow by. As I keep scrolling I see more words, like BARTER, BONES, EMBRYO (oh boy, this one's not going to let me get away). I'm not even at "F" yet and already I can sense a theme. I start to see that this little exercise that I thought would help me chose a pseudonym to write under is actually pointing out how I'm thinking all the time. If you've read "The Secret" or "The Law of Attraction" then you will be familiar with the idea that we are all constantly sending out a radar that is scanning our surroundings for the things we are thinking about, bringing your attention to it, therefore attracting it to you. The classic example is; you want to buy a new vehicle. You look them up, do lots of research, maybe take it for a test drive, it's a big decision, so it's on your mind a lot. You're driving around, taking the kids to school or going to work and now, everywhere you look, you see the vehicle you want. You never realized so many people had them! Even ones that look similar are all over the place now! What the hell!? In reality, you've been driving past the same amount of those vehicles the entire time. The difference is, now you have your attention on it. You mind has this incredible autopilot program that runs in the background, behind you getting coffee on, getting the kids to school, working out, making lunches, studying, driving, whatever it is you do everyday. You inputted, "NEW VEHICLE: MAKE, MODEL, COLOUR" into your radar and your brain is now scanning for that everywhere you go. You can be deep in conversation with your mother in the car and you'll notice another one! You weren't even looking for it. Or so you thought. This is what is happening to me too. As I'm scrolling through the words, the ones that hold meaning for me are popping out. Ones that have significance, good or bad in my life, are popping out. It's getting me thinking.
EROS, INSANE, MISERY, NANNY, RAREBIT (I do love my cheese)
Wow. Okay, okay, dial it back here. So many stories, but why, I ask myself, are most of the words that keep popping out at me, negative? Perhaps my internal radar is tuned to negativity and I don't even realize it. Or perhaps I haven't let "IT" go enough yet, or maybe I am supposed to write & share about those things first. Who knows. What I have learned from this though is that I really need to start putting positive things into my brain, getting rid of the old crap that doesn't serve me and fill it back up with love and happy stuff! I'm starting with: day dreaming more!
I'm happy writing this. I chose a name to share all my secrets with. I still have a cheeky smile on my face and a feeling in my stomach like I want to laugh.
And just so you know, upon second scroll through, these are some of the other words that I liked:
Brainstorm, Emotions, Innermost, Irony, Moonrise, Omen, Taoism, Tomboy, Yeti
and who's going to have
Yes No & Maybe all in their list!
Excited to share,
Ari
What does your list of words say to you? Click HERE to get your list!
Want to see what I saw on my beautiful hike? Click here for link to Parks Canada & Ontario Parks
